Two Lines?

so every year around the new years time i like to come up with a new saying for myself. You know these now as what most people call 'slayings' because they are sayings that totally kill! so with the new year just behind us I felt it was time for a brand new 'slaying'. try this one out on your friends and see if they don't think you are the creme in the crop!

here goes. imagine someone says something pretty gross to you. or shows you something gross. or does something gross. you get what i mean? like they say..."My lunch had a metal screw in it" thatsgross! or maybe "I would like ot have sex with condolezza Rice." you go "ew gross!"

maybe they are chewingo n a tunafish sandwich and you say "what are you eating?" and theny say "SEEFOOD!" and they open thier mouth and show you the inside with all the chewedup gross tuna and white bread and saliva. very gross. but you reply. "why is your mouth open. i get it you are eating tuna." because tuna is actually Seafood. so the joke bombs because 1. its gross. 2. you cant HEAR homophones.

ok but instead of saying "ewwww. gross!" to any of these things because that is pretty boring you just shake your head and go "brrrr!". that's pretty hot isn't it? the idea is that you are so chilled by the grossness of what you have just seen or heard that you have to say "brrr!" like its so cold from grossness.

try it out. people will be very impressed.

your friend who treid grossing you out with his half eaten tuan sandwich will just stand there with his mouth continueing to stay open going "whaa...whay di you jus sa bbrrr? wha doe tha mea? brr? get it...im eatin seefoo? see? foo?"

then you walk away.

brrr!

That is my sumbitted question of the day. Here are some of my ideas:

• bushes hell will be to spend eternity locked in a room with a large glass window looking out at 'brush' piling up along the path outside.
• hhahaha. no it wont. it will staring into the eyes of the thousands of dead iraqi babies.
• no wait! he will be locked in a room forced to watch as saddam, george senior, and a multitude of angelic iraqi babies laugh and play at clearing brush.
• and taking turns kissing with condi.

please stop with the smoking already though. ok? i do not care about your lungs but every time i see one of you smoking a cigarette then i get crazy for a cigarette myself. unless you are really ugly...ugly people, feel free to keep smoking. but you attractive handsome and pretty people stop. do it for me. you drive me crazy with that.

I quit smoking once for 6 months and everythign was going really well and then i saw parkerposey smoking a cigarette at a bar one day and it was all over i ran out bought a pack of cigarettes and smoked the entire pack in an alley off second avenue. right then and there. thank you for nothing parkerposey. well thank you for clockwatchers i guess. but no thank you for making me smoke again.

you are so pretty it is hard to understand sometimes.

Some days I feel like i know who i am and what i like and dislike. and if you asked me if i would like a sugarysweet romantic comedy about some new york media professionals with jobs no one really knows what they do and they all live in friends type giant apartments...and the entire movie makes the fucking 'sex in the city' shows seem edgey and hip...well i would tell you 'no..no sir i would not like a movie like that. oh you said greg kinear? no probably not. wait jack jackam? the guy from wovlerine? no, ill pass..."

but then you say 'lemmie just play a minute of it for you ok? will you let me do that?"

then i'd say "sure whatever. but keep a bucket close because ill probably be puking the entire time."

and then you roll the tape and then there is ashley jud and I just start making these sounds 'awww....' and 'oh..so sweet. hi ashley.'
and the entire time i am grinning from ear to ear.
and then you turn it off and you say 'yeah. awful huh? I'll leave it off."
then i say soemthing like " well, whatever...yo know just go ahead and play the rest of it...  imean lets really just see just how bad it gets...PLAY THE TAPE MAN... NOW!"

then you play it again and i start making these cooing sounds again. i probaby even tear up a few times.

then when it is done i hang my head in shame. but i already know i might be making my first dvd purchase ever.

and i begin to wish i were morgan freman because i think he has been in TWO movies with ashely.

picture from Ninnxie

I was walking around the hamburger winterdom once. thats like a carvinal in a giant parking lot in hamburg and it takes place in the middle of the winter. There are ferris wheels and things that spin you around and games and all the other stuff you find at a fair or carnival and the whole think is watched over by a giant concrete bunker thats been turned into photstudios or something.

the nice thing is that its in the winter and its pretty cold. it makes a real nice atmosphere.  i would like to walk around it in the evening or at night. so one time when i was doing that it started snowing pretty hard and most people cleared out. yo can imagine that a snowy carvinal is a pretty nice thing? it is. of course it is. you've got snow and you've got lots of colored blinking lights. thats just a recipe for a really pretty setting. oh and not alot of people. oh and its getting dark... and there is wierd music playing. ok, clearly very nice setting.

So I was wandering around and i came to a kids ride area. and most of them were empty the kids or thier parents had decided riding rides in the snow wasn't fun. except for one kid. this little guy was riding a car kind of ride. the kind where the car is on a set of little train tracks that wind thru some plywood cut out town? you know the kind? the wheel turns but you are pretty sure that it doesn't control the car really because you can see the tracks below you but still you aren't 100% sure so you try real hard to follow the road carefully with your steering.

Thats what this little guy was doing. his car even had little headlights that would cut a path thru the falling snow and you could see him concentrating on staying on the road. i watched him go for quite a while. i probably looked like a creep but you had to keep watching him he was so determined to stay on the road. and then every now and then the car would turn away and he would actually sort of disappear into the darkness. Then he would come back.

and thats about it.

I bet it would be very fun to get a bunch of staplers all full of staples and then throw them at a wall.

from a safe distance of course and wearing protective glasses. but imagine that. I would to aim like head towards the wal so it hit just right and the stapler got off one real stapling before it exploded into a cloud of raw staples.

blash!

no hard feelings ok vox? i already had the wordpress blog when I got your invite anyway. its not like i left you for wordpress. but then the wordpress blog being such that it was hosted on my site with teh crappy hosting company with the crappy backup plan which is no backup plan at all blew the whole thing up.

So anyway I'm back. and probably only even temporary even so don't get all clingy either.
but i was reading over some of my old vox posts and you know what? i really cant spell for fuck. here I am LOLing at these horrendeous emails or letters from lindsey lohan and then I look at my shit? I could probably learn a few sentence structure tips from that gal.

anyway that wasnt really what i was going to say i was going to mention that i actually got a few good LOL's from some of my old vox blog posts. so there you go. and that story about the guy who keeps hearing construction sounds when he is trying to sleep? STILL SCARY! a real chiller.

anyway do your self a favor and go reread all my old posts. you will thank us both.

in other more sadder news... my fucking real blog is GONE..really totally gone. you can goolge 'little animals' and maybe find some old classis that way but more or less its gone for good. remember whne the library at alexendria burned? its alot like that. only nothing here is written in hiroglyphs!

so im back vox. does anyone else still post here to vox?

hello? hello?

or movies with graphic murder scenes:

• 8mm
• American Psycho
• Audition
• Benny's Video
• Bully
• Cape Fear
• Clockwork Orange
• Copycat
• Coup de Torchon
• Dead Alive
• Descent
• Dirty Harry
• Dressed To Kill
• Frenzy
• Friday the 13th series
• Funny Games
• Helter Skelter
• Henry:Portrait of a Serial Killer
• Hitcher
• Hostel
• I Spit On Your Grave
• Ichi The Killer
• Kalifornia
• Kiss the Girls
• Last Life in the Universe
  
• Last House On The Left
• M (the Fritz Lang original)
• Man Bites Dog
• Manhunter
• Manson
• Memories of Murder
• Natural Born Killers
• No Way to Treat A Lady
• Oldboy
• Peeping Tom
• Psycho
• Reservoir Dogs
• Saw
• Scarface
• Se7en
• Serial killer Biopics
• Shadow of a Doubt
• Silence of the Lambs
• Summer of Sam
• Suspiria
• Sympathy for Lady Vengeance
• Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance
• Texas Chainsaw Massacre
• The Bone Collector
• The Dead Pool
• The Deliberate Stranger
• The Eyes of Laura Mars
• The Hills Have Eyes
• The Killer Inside Me
• The Manson Family
• The Talented Mister Ripley
• Tightrope
• Twin Peaks (the TV series)
• Wizard of Gore
• Wolf Creek

Please more. I know there are a million of them. gimmie more. Like that really graphic japanese guy? whats that one called? Oldies?  I think a few of the ones above might be not 100% serial killer (like cape fear?) but close enough. so go nuts. crazy nuts!