14 posts from July 2006

I had an idea for a really scary story... here it is(make sure your lights are on):

A guy is at work working in his cubicle.  towards the end of the day there is a loud banging from the floor below him.  It goes on for a few hours, like banging on pipes, maybe like someone is removing pipes. thats what he figures.  Its annoying but the day is over so he goes home.

After preparing a nice meal he sits down in front of the tv to watch tv.  about halfway thru his favorite show a loud banging starts up from the floor below him.  He shakes his head in disbelief and turns up the volume. the banging goes on through the night.

At work the next day the banging hs stopped but now there is the loud but intermittant buzz of a circular saw that stops and starts randomly.  The buy is getting pretty frazzled, at least the pipes was a steady noise that he could almost get used to, the saw is just shocking all day long since there is no way to anticipate it.  The day ends with lillte work accomplished.

At home he settles in to watch his favorite tv show.  just as the opening credits come on a loud circular saw starts up in the apartment below him. 'holy jesus fucking mother fucking christ.' he yells but the saw just keeps on buzzing. He shakes his head and puts on headphones and puts the jack into his tv. ridiculous he thinks.

at work the next day the noise is all encompassing. no one can work. The guy is truely frazzled and he storms off to the elevator and jams the down button.  He rides to the floor below and bangs on the office door. A construction worker answer. The office looks like a hurrnado has hit it.

"Whats up buddy?"

"Whats up? how long s this going to go on. no one can get any work done upstairs!"
"hey man, I don't make the rules. We are suppose to gut this place, they are doing a full reno here for the next 4 weeks or so. beats the fuck out of me, bro."
"shit. its so loud.."
"uhhuh....nything else bud? I gotta get back to work."
"uhm... are you working at another site as well?"
"what do you mean?"
"well, like... are you working on another site, like in the evenings, like side work maybe? doing similar work?"
"what? hey buddy, i don't know what you are getting at but i ain't interested. got it? "
and the construction worker turns and lets the door close behind him.
thru the door the guy hears muffled talking just before the saw starts up "hey jim, if you want to make a little extra cash the guy upstairs wants to know if yer available for a little "side work" in the evenings! hahaha"

The guy sighs and goes back upstairs. everyone is waiting for his return.
"they said a full renovation job, maybe four weeks of this?"
the people in the office grumble "grumble....grumble".

home again. the construction there is rumbling on as well. same exact sounds as at the office.
"I gotta check this shit out."
The guy goes downstairs and knocks on the apartment door.  The saw just keeps going. The guy puts his ear to the door but doesnt hear anything. he bangs some more.
"hello. you know you can't make loud noises past 10 pm. you know that?"
no answer...
"ok, I'm going to have to call the cops if you keep this up. ok?"
no response...
"ok..then. ok."
back upstairs. headphones in the tv and a tv dinner.

at work again they have moved on to a jackhammer. jackhammer, circular saw, and the now constant pipe banging/removing. Half the office is out today but the guy just tries to get some work done. it is very hard.

The guy looks forward to going home tonight just because he can't imagine anyone using a jackhammer in a 4 story residential apartment block. but there it is. the second he unlocks his door the rattattatatat of the jackhammer he's been listeinign to all day starts up and doesn't stop until well after 2 a.m.

this cycle continues on and on for several more days. the guy is completelty wiped out. he can't work and he can't sleep.  he gets home one night and flips out he races down stairs and pounds and pounds on the door but no one answers. He kicks the door bu no answer. the noise just keepson being noisy.
"fuck you." he yells.
"fuck you and your noise. no one uses a jackhammer on a residential building. THERE IS NO CONCRETE HERE!"
"such bullshit" He mutters and wanders off, down to the street.
"screw it" he thinks "i'll go get as hotel room until this shit is done. I'll save my reciepts and send them to the fucking construction company. they can pay for it. this is insane."

He get in his car and heads to a crappy motel outside of town. he checks in with the sleepy night deskguy and heads up the walkway to his room. he has barely packed anything.  a shirt for tomorrow and a baggie with a toothbrush. He just wants a decent nights sleep.

He gets to his room slams the door behind him falls into bed and turns out the lights.

he is asleep for about a half hour when he is woken back up by the sound of a jackhammer and pipebanging coming from the room below his.

"OH MY GOD!" He punches his pillow and squeezes it over his head. the noise continues.

"I must be going crazy. The hell with this. no way MAN!"

He pulls on his pants and races down the walkway to the first floor.

He pounds on the door yelling "ok. open up the damn door. hey asshole come on out here now!"

the banging stops. the circular saw spins down to silence and the jackhammer stops too. footsteps shuffle towards the door from inside the room.

The guy tenses up.

The door opens and the guys eyes bug out.

behind the door is the guys twin or clone or something. it looks just like him, except for the giant concrete dust covered bear suit his twin is wearing. The guy tries to step back but the bear twins reaches out and grabs his arm. he pulls him into the room and hits him over the head with something hard that knocks him out.

the end.

thats pretty scary right? Its only kind of scary until the bear twin shows up then it gets real scary real fast. and then the bear knocks him out? wow.

whats the deal with that? Is that something I could do with RSS? which i do not understand? can someone tell me how to do this?

HELLLLLLO?

... that people don't see that Cthulhu planned the internet long before the GOP mocked Albert Arnold Gore Jr.  You don't built a basalt city, allow it to sink beneath the Pacific and then just TAKE A NAP!!!  come on folks.  We know that the great old one had the ability to communicate with his minions before he sunk beneath the waves.  Cthulhu is said to be tentacly and the internet is also sort of tentacly.  get it? 

Also, why do the republicans try to squash the internet every chance they get?

This obviously makes more sense if you believe the great house jokingly refered to as 'the gnomes of zurich' has suffered catastrophic economic setbacks in the last 20 years.   Environmentalism?  Lets not forget that Al Gore jr. went to vietnam (across the pacific).....

... as a journalist.

visual aid

My latest slaying was just created (by me obviously) at another site i frequent. It is so good I would like to share it here:

"No one ever went broke from selling pitchforks to villagers!"

thats it. pretty great I have to admit.

Worker #3116: Are you kidding? The third floor won’t protect you from orcs.
McCullen: For a little while.
Worker #3116: No way, they’ve got those special ladders.

http://www.corporate-casual.com/2006/07/18/legolas-3116-and-gimlicullen/

I've been researching buying some sort of weapon to help get me through some sort of apocalyse or social collapse here in new york city.  I'm pretty freaked out by guns but i imagine a gun will be next to impossible to find after the apocalype and anyone who has one will not likely give it up.  So i am looking into puchasing some sort fo weapon now to be prepared for later.

I plan to lead a rag tag group of survivors out of the 5 buroughs and start a utopian society somewhere in upstate new york, but obviously there will be alot of obsticles to overcome.  I think a gun or weapon wil help with the overcoming of several of them.

So some thoughts from online friends:

"get a shotgun, it's also good against zombies"

"laser gun" (rejected because it is a weapon from the 'troubled times' which my utopia rejects)

"rubberband gun,proximity mines" ( a confused mind)

"sniper's rifle" ".308 rifle with a scope" "Recruit a sniper early on" (I am rejecting all sniper applications atm)

"AK-47"

"12 gague. two of them. the 240 and a tradidional double barrel. some people prefer over/under to side by side. pistol. 9mm" ( I will not be crossing into this persons territorial fiefdom)

"mossberg 590, 12ga shotgun, military model"

"caulk gun" "BFG-9000" (we know where comedians will be in the post apocalyse, right?)

"Uzi" (since the 80's are over i think 'uzi' is out of business)

alot of thought was also given to getting ammo. this is a good idea I think, but I also think I will probably just 'wave' this weapon around alot more than actually use it. crossbow came up in realtionshiop to this but i'm neither robin hood nor batman so no crossbow.

"ARMORED VEHICLE - WITH SOME KIND OF MOUNTED GATLING WEAPON"

"Hey, hey, hey ich war der goldene Reiter
Hey, hey, hey ich bin ein Kind dieser Stadt
Hey, hey, hey ich war so hoch auf der Leiter
Doch dann fiel ich ab - ja dann fiel ich ab"

title and lyrics from my last two played songs. CRAZY!!!!!

I still get confused by vox sometimes...just like in the real world!

I recently went outside my 'neighborhood' 'exploring' and i got very very scared very quickly and ran back to my neighborhood where I knew everyone and they knew me. where if someone writes 'HOLLAR!!' in their post i know they are just joking around. careful if you go 'exploring' its a crazy world out there!

QoTD: What makes darkpony so wonderful?

subquestions: If you were forced to choose just one, which of darkponys humorous catchphrases would you say makes you LOL the MOST?

1. "I'm not karate kidding around this time!"
2. "DONUT make me come over there."
3. "wooba gooba with the green teeth? I hardly even knew her!"

metacatchphrase(taken from the cover interview at 'what important/beautiful people are saying and doing this week'): "I don't think of them as slang or really as sayings.  I like to think of them as slayings because they really kill!"

"I'm not karate kidding around here!"

lets try to make this one stick, ok? I think its a really good one.